THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN…....

Okay, so after my last post (Are all men bastards or is it just me?)…I’ve come under a lot of harsh criticism…names like man hater, man repellent e.t.c have come up. Some of my friends have even gone as far as claiming at that I’m tuning into a “bitter woman”…now that one left a scar. You see one thing I begged God for when I broke up with my ex, was not too be bitter. I didn’t want to hate him or be jealous of any successful relationship around me. But then over the weekend, I had a long chat with some of my close male friends…..Val, your being too picky…Val your tuning into a bad girl…Val I never imagined you would say that, Val you need to start being happy for people, Val you need to stop being Jealous…and then it came…VAL YOUR TUNING INTO A BITTER WOMAN!!!. Now….that pierced through my soul…..

Me, Val bitter? As soon as he said it, he realised he shouldn’t have and apologised. But it was too late, the damage had already been done, my scathed flesh had already been exposed. I laughed, trying to cover up for the tears that were threatening to fall from the corner of my eyes. As I walked home (in the rain), I began to think…am I really becoming bitter? Have I become a man hater? I searched within myself and with every passing thought, I became more aware of the answer…..but refused to admit it to myself. So I came home and read some of my previous posts….and slowly…..I said the words…yes val…that which you once feared, is now what you have become!...Even now I cant bring myself to write the words…so I’ll let you fill in the blanks…………..

So in a desperate bid to correct this trend….I want to dedicate this week to discussing people in happy relationships….men who have been faithful, men who have been good to the women in their lives, men who have remained MEN in every sense of the word!!! You see, maybe somewhere in all of life’s ups and downs…..I have become too cynical. This is dangerous because you don’t expect any good out of life. You begin to expect people to cheat on you, people to disappoint and abandon you. And what you expect because the inevitable!!....Noone…not even ‘bitter Val’……(yes I finally said it) wants that. I want to be happy and like many women out there…I TOO DESERVE HAPPINESS.!!!!

So here goes….I have been speaking to many friends and I have collected 7 stories which I will share each day….please feel free to drop a line or share your story..….

Story 1: The contentious issue of religion…

This is one story that resonates with me, especially since one of the reasons for splitting with my ex was because his father was opposed to our relationship…but I digress…

Dotun and Bayo (fake names for obvious reasons!!)…had been dating for 7 years. At first their parents saw it as a something that would ‘wash away with age’ seeing as they had started dating during A levels. But when Dotun finished her masters and was still seeing Bayo, alarm bells started ringing in her fathers ears. ‘You better find yourself a nice Muslim man’ he would shout whenever Bayo phoned or came to the house. Dotun also faced similar grief anytime she visited Bayo at home. So when will you start coming to church with us? Bayo’s mum would ask her continuously. Bayo’s mum even went as far as telling her that she was destined to hell if she did not repent and accept Jesus!!! Now I am a Christian and I firmly place my belief in Christ….but surely there is a better method for conversion (please let us not debate this here….).

Anyhoo to cut a long story short Dotun’s parents shipped her to Nigeria and placed her under house arrest, she was not allowed to visit anyone without her fathers driver (who would give a time and place account of any visits she made) and the phone in her room was removed. Now although Dotun had been working in London, she was not the saving kind and she was about to start NYSC in Nigeria, thus let us just say money was not her friend!..So what does Bayo do????

He starts sending Dotun money so she gets a new mobile phone (which her parents had seized) and instructs his brother to send her 5,000 naira credit a week. Every three months the dude was in Nigeria. They would meet in Dotun’s friends house and spend much needed time together. After a year of playing hide and seek, God blessed Bayo with a better paying job and he got his UK residency sorted out. The dude moved out his parents house and bought a 2 bed flat in south east London. He flew to Nigeria and goes on one knee….!!!

Lets take a step back…Dotun on the other hand has just finished NYSC, her parents have no idea that she has still been seeing Bayo and are beginning to think that their plans have been working. They begin to set her up with a young man from an extremely prominent Muslim family. Dotun’s friends and siblings advice her to forget about Bayo, that it will never work etc….But the babe remains faithful….So naturally she is over joyed at the proposal and accepts. They decide to do the right thing and tell their parents. I will leave to your imagination the various abuses and threats that were made by Dotun’s father. But I can tell you that Bayo’s mum spoke to almost every pastor alive about her sons choice in a mate and remained convinced that someone had put a curse on her son!.....prayer, fasting…deliverance would not shake this relationship!!! After 6 months of talking to their parents, Bayo bought a one way ticket for his wife to be and they got married. Needless to say that they were both disowned…..

Now fast forward five years to 2008. Dotun and Bayo are married with 2 girls. All has been forgotten as the parents of both Dotun and Bayo are in London to celebrate the one year birthday of their latest grand child, a day which also coincides with the couples anniversary. So to commemorate the occasion, Dotun and Bayo decide to renew their vows in the presence of their parents. Never has a wedding brought so many tears….even Dotun’s father cried and for the first time in the presence of all embraced Bayo and called him ‘my son’!!! During the toast, Dotun’s father said the following,

‘I can now die in peace knowing that my daughter has married a man who will be there for her even where I have failed’…..

MOVING STUFFFFF!!!