ARE ALL MEN BASTARDS OR IS IT JUST ME???

Okay so everyone who has read my previous blogs knows I am trying to mend my broken heart and all the drama that has brought. But you know how they say misery loves company? Well its true…..in my sadness, I have consulted friends for advice, but it seems like a magnet I have been drawn to my girlfriends who have similar dare I say even worse fates….

Example one....Nkechi & Facebook

A close friend of mine who recently broke up with an ex…started getting close to some guy she met thru a friend on facebook (Did I hear u say ‘doomed from the start’??)
It all starts fairly nicely…they are both Igbo, similar backgrounds, they talk for hours on end on the phone e.t.c. Infact one day they spoke from 1am-4am…..some people have too much free minutes!!!!

So where did it begin to go wrong? One day they are having their usual telephone marathons and the following conversation ensues

Nkechi: Na wah oh, you have been on facebook for such a long time today…don’t you have work

Facebook guy: are you trying to tell me that I am jobless?

Nkechi: Well, I’m just saying that you’ve been on for a long time and for a guy your age (the guy is 35) you should be doing other things….she jokes

Facebook Guy: Laughs…okay madam tell me what guys my age do?

Nkechi: Work, spend time with their families or girlfriends….

Facebook Guy: I see my children regularly…

Nkechi laughs. You see up to this point they had been talking for over 3 weeks. No mention of children, wife, or even girlfriend sef….

Facebook guy: Why are you laughing? Don’t you believe that I see my children?

Nkechi starts getting worried. Children ke? She replies. You never mentioned you had a wife talkless of kids. It turns out the guy has 2 kids from the same woman, one is 10 and the other 1. Imagine the Punk! He begins to explain that he is not married to the woman…even though they have done traditional wedding!!! But He cannot marry her because she is not submissive!!! Can you imagine this joker??? Somebody please slap him for me!!! Anyhoo you would be pleased to know that Nkechi has deleted him from her facebook page and no longer has any more to do with him. (Resist the devil and he will flee!!!)

Example 2: My friend Kemi and her ex

You guys remember my friend Kemi from my former post fornicator or adulterer you decide? Well, she has been having an on and off again relationship with her ex. He keeps blowing her hot and cold. One minute he crops up claiming undying love for her, the other he disappears and blames work. So a couple of months ago he cropped up. But Kemi would not budge. He was on her case, buying her flowers, perfume, cake, even volunteered to send her to Dubai! Even though Kemi knew she was still inlove with this dude, she was hesitant.

So I advised her to give the guy a call, sit him down put her cards on the table. If he is interested then they move on together and if he isn’t then she moves on alone (good advice abi? Or so I thought…typical example of the blind leading the blind!!!!). Well, Kemi sends him this email, explaining how she feels. She explains that she is too old to keep on going on like that and that if he wants something serious then he should let her know but if not they should just remain friends. His reply is straight to the point…he wants to meet her to discuss, he believes they can make things work. Kemi is excited. Two days before he is due to come and see her, an old friend of Kemi calls her to ask if she heard that her ex (the guy) is getting married. Kemi faints…literally. After recovering, she decides not to say anything to the guy. She waits for his visit. He never comes. Kemi falls sick and she is admitted into hospital (true story!!!). 2days later, with drips coming out of every surface of her body, Kemi receives a text from him saying work got in the way and that they should meet the next day. She calls him in tears, asking him why he is such a bastard. He says he can explain…….he got married on Saturday. Kemi’s father has sent her to South Africa on holiday.

Example 3: I will marry you on your birthday

My friend’s younger sister (Uche) who is in medical school in Nigeria had been seeing this guy for over 4 years. They had been planning on getting married on her birthday in December. They guy is an architect and has a three bedroom house. Uche helped furnish this house and has her own set of keys. Bottom line, they are already married (in Uche’s head). All that’s left is to sign on the dotted line….

On that faithful day Uche goes for the wedding of a close friend. After the wedding she decides to surprise her fiancé who was too busy with work and couldn’t make it to the wedding. She gets to the house but the guys car isn’t there. Luckily she has her own keys, she puts it into the keyhole but they don’t work. She realizes that someone must be in the house and has put the keys in the keyhole on the other side of the door. She assumes it’s her fiancés younger brother who visits from time to time. She begins banging on the door, brother Chidi, brother Chidi…please open the door!

All of a sudden a girl opens the door. Hi, can I help you? She smiles assuming its one of those small girls that Chidi normally carries about. Hello, she replies. I tried to open the door with my keys but couldn’t get in. My name is Uche, Emeka’s girlfriend. She explains to the girl as she pushes past her to enter the house. In her mind she wonders why the girl is wearing Emeka’s shirt that she bought for him last week. She makes a mental note to warn Chidi about giving his brother cloths to his girlfriends. She makes her way to the master bedroom. She turns back and realizes the girl is following her with a curious look on her face. She smiles at the girl and shows her, her keys. Don’t worry she says. You don’t have to follow me. She opens the bedroom door and makes her way to the wardrobe to get a change of cloths. The girl is still on her heels. Haba this one pass my power, she hisses. Wetin dey do this small pikin! Why are you still following me she snapps? Why wont I follow you the girl snapps back? You are in my fiancés house. I have every right to follow you!

WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT???

Your what? You can’t be serious, are you mad? Uche is confused. This girl must have lost her mind. This house that she furnished, she looks at her engagement ring on her finger and laughs. She concludes that the girl must be stupid. She decides she will not pay the small rat any attention….she is not worth it…when Emeka comes back he will send her packing. The ‘other’ girl must have thought the same thing. Because she too keeps quiet and waits for Emeka’s return.

2 hours later….. The idiot strolls into the house…baby, baby where are you? He enters his bedroom to find both his ‘fiancées’ waiting for him. He is shocked. The look on his face confirms Uche’s worst fears. Emeka who is this? Asks the other girl, I said who is this? She demands. Uche looks at him, willing him to say this is my fiancé. But he doesn’t . All he can muster is ‘I can explain’!!!

It turns out that the other girl was Chichi. She had been schooling abroad. The flat was an engagement gift to both of them from her father. Emeka works as an architect in her fathers company. No prizes for guessing who he is marring then? One clue…Chichi’s birthday is in October? hmmmm. On a positive note…. Uche has passed her medical exams!!!

So I have many many more examples…but this blog is tooooo long!!! So I must stop here. Are there any good guys out there? Where are you please? Is there anyone out there in a flourishing relationship? Let me know…because I am losing hope!!!!!